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Well, tomorrow i turn 15. I am not really that excited, in fact overall i am pretty depressed. I always get depressed on my birthday, ever since my mom died. This will my 3 third birthday without her here. I doubt anyone will even remember tomorrow is my birthday.

Last night i had a dream that took me through the next 4 years of my life. In my dream i had had a boyfriend and a girlfriend by my senior year. I saw myself as a senior. I didnt have glasses, i was taller, my style had changed, and i seemed somewhat elegant. I went to graduation......and then i woke up. I kinda wished i had seen what happened after graduation.

Yesterday was pretty fun. I hung out with Leah, Spencer, and Jeremy. It was pretty cool, we went to city park and just goofed off and then we went to mcdonalds cuz were cool like that. I love clawson and i love my friends. Its kinda weird tho, hanging out with my old friends and my new friends but its really fun too.

I didnt do anything tonight. I felt too old to trick or treat and a few of the ppl i am really close with were just staying home so i did the same. Everyone else went out so there were no parties to go to. I didnt even think to throw one. Maybe i will next year.

Well thats enough for now. Ttyl

I wonder what this year of my life will bring...
 
 
 
 
 
 
I cant believe this night happened. It couldnt have. It must have been a bad dream. But no, it actually did. Yes, Clawson played Foley tonight in the playoffs in Trojan Territory. If you dont know or remember Foley was the school where most of the ppl from st. dennis went and were i planned to go. Well, i get there and was talking to Justine and I look over and here comes Sarah Hampton. At that point i am like just shoot me. How could this be happening? She represents everything that went wrong in my life....all my mistakes. Well thats just the begining. Tons of ppl from Foley where there. I was happy to see lizz and maureen but other than that i was pissed off. How could my two worlds have collided? HOW? Everyone from the one place i despised had invaded my safe haven of Clawson? I know i sound selfish but still. Well all in all Jeremy was supposed to meet my friend Kayla...he fucking blew her off. Everyone is threatening to beat him up and i have no idea what is going to happen. I am at the end of my rope but luckily Justine and Ashley and Jessie and Jackie and everyone came to my rescue. I have the most amazing friends. So the game ends and i flee. Oh by the way we fucking BEAT foley by 22 to 0!!!! Fireworks went off and it was great but other than that this night was hell. I get to Leah's house and am about ready to die. All of this has to be a dream but no it happened. Reality bites.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I have reason to believe that there is a Clawson sphere. Once you live in or have any connection with it what so ever u just cant leave. Oh sure u may want to leave but odds are you just cant. Its pretty much impossible. U end up staying in Clawson and sending ur kids to school there and going to the football games every friday night. It sucks u in and wouldnt spit you out. Odds are that twenty years from now i will own a home or apartment or something near chs. Yes, that is my theory.

P.S. AVRIL TIX STILL UP FOR GRABS. I NEED TO SELL THESE THINGS!!!!

Funny quote of the day:
Leah: Eww your hands are all wet
Me: Its the sweat from my cup
^^^^^Lmfao that went so perverted
 
 
 
 
 
 
What a weekend. I am so tired. I wont even begin to go into it all. Leah and me went and hung out with spencer. It was so much fun and i couldnt even believe how much he changed. Damn puberty. Leah slept over on Friday and that was fun but i think i am pretty dull compared to her. I am not too exciting really. Then on Saturday Spencer, Leah, Me, and Preston went to Taco Bell for breakfast. Nothing like a taco to jump start your morning. I cant believe Preston drank a spork! Lol. Well my puppy is having some issues and i am not sure how to control him. He is just too damn hyper. I was thinking about going to that halloween dance thing but if no one else is gonna go then there is no point. I want to do some stuff on Devil's Night this year but i am to afraid cuz the police have been cracking down lately. Well i am rambling again so i will be heading on out. Ttyl

P.S. My drivers ed final is on the same night as the Avril concert and i dont want to have to wait four weeks to take a test so i need to sell them. I got 4 tix and if you are interested plz comment.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I realized that i have changed alot since last year. Here r the things u wouldnt recognize about me:

1. My taste in music. I have been listening to more punk and rock then before (and no i dont mean Avril when i say that). I listen to 89x all the time as of late. I love that station.

2. The way i dress. Trust me ppl i never dressed this way last year. I have a style now and it kix ass.

3. I have lost weight. Not too much weight but enough so i am really happy with how i look.

4. The way i act. I am so happy and bouncy that i doubt u have seen this side of me before. I smile alot and help anyone i can and i think i am pretty good at giving advice. I act like myself and i have friends that accept who i am. I love it.

5. My hair. I cut it kinda short. Its think its really cute but now it is easier to take care off and i style it more.

6. My smile. It came back!!!! I wondered what in the hell happened to it!!!

I am going to start wearing contacts again. I am going to get the contacts you can leave in for 30 days cuz i am always late for first period as it is, i dont need to be anymore late in the morning.

If i could do it all again i would start at Clawson in kindergarten cuz 4 years is not enough to get to know everyone. I know st. dennis ppl will hate me for saying that but i fucking hated that place. I love Clawson.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Well i havent updated in awhile cuz its been craziness so let me fill u in:

Monday: NO SCHOOL!! Sadly i went into st. dennis. It sucked not having anyone there from my class. Everyone asked me when i was switching over to Foley so let me inform u all for the last time that i am staying at Clawson!! Mrs. Wagberg asked me to teach catechism for the 5th grade, i am wont do it. I refuse to walk into that place once a week. I also had my first drivers training class. I hate it but i get to drive so i am cool with it.

Tuesday: I forgot about the yearbook meeting so i went to the library with Leah and Dara so they could do there project. Then i went to Leahs house. It was good times.

Wednesday: I felt like shit so i stayed home. Dont worry ppl i wasnt ditching and i dont intend to take another one this year.

Thursday: It rained so we had to sit inside during lunch and i got mustard on my 70s outfit! Its okay tho, cuz i managed to hide it with my head scarf. We had fondu and it was tons of fun. I dont think i will ever forget Ed and Curt singing all 8 1/2 minutes of American Pie to the class. I walked home in my platform shoes and fell in the park.

Friday: Not so much happened. I rushed and finished my test and leah waited for me cuz she didnt want to walk home alone. We went to her house and that kicked ass cuz her mom fed us..lol. She also burned Start Static for me and i love it. Then we came here and wanted to hang out with Spencer but he wasnt home so we just chilled here for awhile and messed with ppl online and then my dad drove her home.

Leah(to Donny on phone): Okay talk to Katie for awhile, wait no i dont trust u two
^^Lmfao

Saturday: I got up really early to drive for the first time. It was so scary and i kept speeding. I will probably get "Worst Driver" or something senior year. Then, Kerry invited me to Comic Con. I didnt think it would be that cool cuz i wasnt hugely into it. It was fun tho. Call me a dork or w/e but i had a blast. I know ppl say Kerry is immature but no one really takes the time to talk to her. I bought two manga books and once i got used to reading right to left i got into them.

I am all worried about whats gonna happen monday. Lemme put it like this....Jessi doesnt like Leah, I hang with Leah, I sit next to Jessi first period and see her alot in the halls. I have a feeling this will not go well. I dont care tho.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Not too much is up at the moment. I am so insanely bored. I need to kick into gear my social life at Clawson. I am bored too often. I start drivers training monday and have it for four frickin weeks. Thats okay though. My dad is gonna lemme drive once i get my permit, i just cant get caught lol. I love my dad, he never grew up and still acts like a 17 year old. I am going to try out for the winter dance team. I hope i make it. I am gonna ask Ashley to help me get ready cuz i am a lil rusty and most of my training has been in ballet. If i make it, it will be awesome. Not only do i love to dance but alot of my friends are on the team. I was considering going to this battle of the bands in roseville but no one really showed too much interest and i cant go with my foley friends cuz they have school the next day. I am going to go in and help out at st. dennis on monday. I need closure. I hear the new principal is making a five year old go to after school detention. I mean come on ppl, the girl is my fucking years old give her a break. The girl could have adhd or something but instead of testing her and possibly getting her help they are just gonna send her to detention. Geez i hate that place. Well i should go cuz i am tired.....tho i have been sleeping for like 36 hours. I got up and went to the mall today but thats really all am doing besides talking to ppl online and on the phone this weekend.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Today was another good day all around. I didnt do too much really. I talked to donny during spanish, then talked to leah about talking to donny when i was in gym, then talked to sarah in geometry, then talked to ppl at lunch, and then talked to justine after school for awhile.....yeah u get the picture, i talked alot. Next week is IS's first decade day, which I guess they have come to be known for. This decade day is gonna be all about the 70's, man. It sounds sweet so i cant wait!! I dont think i liked the person i originally had a crush on going into the year. I think the only reason i liked her was cuz she reminded me of Sarah H(I cant find the resemblence now tho). Yeah i know it is sad but now that whole thing is over and i just like Sarah and this other girl as a friend. I am glad too, cuz nothing was ever gonna happen with this one girl. I thought there was a yearbook meeting after school but i didnt see anyone so i went home. I am sry if i missed that. Yeah so i got tix to the Avril concert but since all my friends are anti avril i am hard pressed to find someone to go with, but thats really my only complaint at the moment. I am going to the Green Day concert too, but i had no trouble finding ppl to go with there, lol. Well i should be off.

On a closing note:

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would...
 
 
 
 
 
 
Well today i was talking to Nancy (Close family friend and teacher at Clawson High) and she was telling me how she was just at the moms to moms sale at st. dennis. She said she talked to clare and clare said that last she heard of me i only had a few friends and was probably switching to Foley. Well, i can see how she would get that, cuz the last time i talked to her school hadnt started yet and i was depressed cuz all my foley friends started without me. It makes me sad to realize i havent talked to her in a month (i did try calling her today tho). So anyways i got on bike and rode it to sds in hopes of straightening out this rumor. The thing is, i got to st. dennis and couldnt go in. All the hate of last year returned, so i fled. I am going in on friday when i have no school and i am going to help out. Hopefully i will be ready then. So let me straighten this out here for anyone that may have heard this. I have no intentions of switching over to Foley at this time or anytime in the distant future (knock on wood). I have fit into a group and am pretty happy with how things are going. I do love all my foley friends but i really dont want to go back to Catholic school. Ttyl.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I did it. I actually did it. I have been waiting so long to utter those words(its not what u think...lol). Yes tomorrow is friday, but not just any friday. Tomorrow is my one month anniversary at clawson high. Yes i know it seems ridiculious to celebrate it, but how can i not? I am not the same person i was when i left st. dennis last year and i am certainly not the same girl i was when i started at Clawson. I have managed to come out from within myself and meet people. I made friends and fit into a group. I love all my classes and my grades couldnt be better. I am actually excited to go to school in the morning!! I managed to do it. I had some help (aka Emily). I dont think i have ever been this happy in my entire life. I know this cant last forever but i am going to enjoy it while it does. I came to terms with being gay and now i have an impeciable gay dar. I love it all and i dont want high school to end. If this lasted forever i wouldnt care an ounce. I am going to go in tomorrow and be myself and not have to be some confused girl like i was at sds. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. Look out world, here i come.